Eeesshhh That’s Personal….

What is your reality?

Do you know?

What would you like your reality to look like?

When I was 15 I thought my future reality should be filled with money, the best technology, the biggest house, and the nicest car.  Lets fast forward 16 years and quite frankly I don’t have any of that.  I’m not poor by any means.  The life I lead is one filled with riches.  An amazing 7 year old daughter, caring friends, the best job, live in an ocean side town where the waves are only 5 mins away…check it out, I’ve got the life.  I also rent my apartment, have an old iPhone, have enough money to pay my bills, and drive a Toyota Camry.  None of those sound particularly fanciful, eh?  They good enough for me.  This picture of Ghandi’s belongings says it all: 

 

6197373240_e89dfee778_z

There have been times in my life where my reality was fear. Completely fear based. Stuck with a crappy job out of fear of not being able to get a new one.  Stuck with a crappy relationship with fear of not being able to “love” or “be loved” again. Didn’t put my poetry out there for the world to see because the fear of people criticizing.  I made a commitment to myself a year and a half ago that this fear shit wasn’t doing it for me anymore.  That’s when things started changing for me.  I didn’t care about the car, money, house.  I cared about being good to me and the better I was to myself, the better I was treated by others.  To me, that’s what really matters, the rest comes naturally.  Abundance follows those that live a life without fear.

What are your fears?  You know the ones, the ones where you start making up ridiculous scenarios that at the time seem completely rational, but aren’t.

Think of that one fear that you could seriously live without.  What is one thing you can do daily that can start to help the break down of this fear?

I have two big fears that I’ve been working on..Shits about to get real…You ready?  K.  One is my fear of people seeing me as weak.  This inhibits my ability to show people how I’m truly feeling whether that be about them or a situation in general.

My second big fear and it’s the biggest of all for me…..yeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….and that is my fear of rejection. I get afraid to lose the very things I hold dear.  People, objects, everything.  In the long run it ends up not being fair for me or anyone else involved.

Writing this, right now, I contemplated not posting this for my fear that it’ll show I’m “weak”.  But isn’t it more courageous to talk about the very things that cause us the most hurt, only to try to fix them for good?

So there’s one thing I’ve been doing to, one day at a time, get over these soul sucking fears of mine.  Everyday, I’ve been trying to stay very honest with my feelings. Now I don’t mean I would walk around lying about how I felt.  However, rather than being too paralyzed to show how I’m feeling, I’ve really been trying to show my vulnerability to the utmost at least once a day.  Trying to stay as vocal as possible and communicate how I’m feeling and what I’m feeling.  Sometimes I and I think most people, forget how important communication is.

Try it.  Maybe it’ll work for you too. Remember you don’t have to change in a day, those expectations are too high and will only leave you feeling angry and bitter on why the change isn’t happening in an instant.  Just one thing a day. Then do yourself a favor and congratulate yourself.  Have a glass of wine dammit. You deserve it. That sounds good doesn’t?

Anyway, I hope you can face your fears head on. Surrender and go.  Beat the crap out of your fears so you can see what a life filled with love and happiness feels like.  So far in this year and a half, I’ve seen some amazing stuff happen in my life and quite frankly I can’t wait to keep getting rid of other crap.

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” – Dr. Seuss

Affirmation:  I control my behavior and my behavior is love.

anxiety

LLxo,

Michelle

 

This Is An Important Message

Wow what a while it’s been since I’ve come and written a blog.  I swear it’s only been positive and upbeat!  It’s been a crazy, yet monumental time for me.  A time that only made me realize how much love surrounds me daily.  I think about the time in which this blog started.  Desperate to keep a relationship afloat, desperate to find happiness, and desperate to figure out why life was in shambles.

So that year has passed…my relationship disintegrated, found more happiness than thought possible previously, and figured out a few reasons why my life was in shambles and went up those boundaries. Life is about figuring out what fits in your life and what doesn’t for your greater good.

Here I am now, wanting and feeling the need to talk about boundaries and realizing it’s ok to say no.

First and foremost, be kind to yourself.  There are many people out there that may try to hurt you or may not even realize they’re hurting  you. No matter what it doesn’t take away the pain of what is.  So what exactly should you do when those situations occur?

1. Communicate.  Period.  Can we take a poll of how many relationships, romantic or not, fail because communication has been shut off?  Talk to the other person about how you feel, and if you think you’re becoming overly aggressive, then take a step back but make sure you come back.  Remember your feelings are YOURS, and no one can tell you how to feel but you.

2.  Ask for guidance.  Typically when I say that I mean within yourself.  Most times we just need to quiet our mind from all the everyday crap to find the real answer.  Meditation is wonderful for it gives you all the answers you need to hear. One of my meditations the other day consisted of me getting the message of  “trust. believe. receive”.  This was extremely powerful for me because when I was shown the word “trust” it was in the largest and most bold letters. The message was loud and clear. If you’re not quite at the meditation stage, then ask someone you trust their opinion on your situation.

3.  If worse comes to worse and all else “fails” build those boundaries.  Now that doesn’t mean you do not care and or love this person but there are times in life where you must do what is best for you and your mental well being.  Here’s my standpoint on when people do hurtful things to you, they do not understand the power they have and do not understand, truly, how their actions affect others.  Let them be.

4.  Forgive.  FORGIVE.  Not for them, for you.  Once you can experience one forgiving moment, you’ll want to forgive everyone and everything that has ever hurt you.  I cannot begin to tell you how many amazing moments have come about when I have completely forgiven someone.   You will be set free of any anger, resentment, sadness that you hold for that person, you are entitled happiness even while thinking of the person whom wronged you.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Louis B. Smedes

 

These steps have really helped me become a better, more loving person not only for others but to myself as well.  I can honestly say I love me.  I do! I’m crazy, funny, intelligent, easy going, loving, and compassionate.  As a society, we’re taught that we aren’t suppose to think the best about ourselves which leads to low self esteem and zero confidence.  Love yourselves dammit! Stop thinking others are going to fill that void for you, because the second you break up, what then?  Be miserable or stay happy whether or not that relationship has been foiled?  When all else fails, go outside and get some fresh air, remember to ground yourself.  Once you can forgive, and remove the negativity, a ton of positive will just fall into your lap.  The feeling is incredible.

This blog has been long enough.  I love you guys.  Light your candle of a soul so others can bask in your glory of beauty and love.

Affirmation: I forgive all those that have wronged me.  The love I give out is stronger than any darkness.

“Love is your window to other’s souls”- Me :)

 

LLxo,

Michelle

It’s My Birthday!! Go me!

Image

 

That’s me! Rocking my 31 that I turned today!

 

This past year has truly been incredible for me.  At the beginning of last year around March, I sat on the couch hysterically crying because I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling.  I felt sad, jealous, angry, and empty.  Something had to change…anyway I took the first steps to heal myself and that was by reading Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie.  I knew, I should say hoped I was going to stay on this journey and really feel and love for now on.  No more hate no more anger no more jealousy.  Wasn’t a change that happened over night for sure.  It took time.  Sometimes those feelings I had, came back to me like a bat out of hell.  Now right now…I feel amazing.  Pure love runs through my veins. Never did I ever think I could feel the way I do.  I thank Marianne Williamson, Judith Orloff, and Gabby for showing me the right path of love and how fear is just something we can feel and get rid of just as quick.  I might have done the real work but they have been my loving, always there for me guidance.  

Here I am. January 16th. It’s now almost been 3 weeks since I restarted Gabby’s May Cause Miracles. It’s “a 40 day guidebook of subtle shifts for radical change and unlimited happiness”.  Some of you may be aware that this is my second go around with this.  The first time was very life changing.  Sometimes in life we can do whatever we want, we just need a little nudge to make sure we’re on the right path.  This is a wonderful book for that and I highly recommend it.  If you do start it I also encourage you to find a group online, that’ll do the 40 days with you.  Try HerFuture.com and post a blog asking to see if any one would like to join you in your’s and their life journey.  This week we are focusing on body image….ugh…something that most women are all familiar with having to face daily. The “she’s so much prettier than me”, “I’ll never be that skinny”, and “ick my thighs touch” are almost minute by minute thoughts that race through our heads.  Have you ever thought possible that you don’t have to think these things?  You could confidently look in the mirror and think “damn I’m hot!”

I’ve never truly felt 100% comfortable with my body.  Being a kid i can remember thinking I was getting fat.  At the time my weight was maybe 80lbs soaking wet.  Then there was 7th grade which is when I realized that everyone was surpassing me in height.  Well as you know everyone only starts getting taller, taller, and some more taller.  I felt ugly, short, and unlovable.  What a way  to spend your youth.  Now most people at some point in their younger years have body issues of some sort.

You’d hope that as we got older and wiser these issues would start to dissipate.  Nope, not so much.  Well not for all anyway.  We see magazines that have women with big boobs, waists smaller than a toothpick, and legs longer than the Empire State Building.  Of course, most people know that these images are Photoshopped to the max but still silently argue with ourselves that we need to be sexier and more beautiful.  

Here’s the real deal.  Who I think is attractive is not what someone else think is good looking.  For example, I have a friend that has been close as blood with me for over 5 years and I can count on one hand the amount of guys we find similarly attractive and that’s ok!  We all have difference of opinion in life for everything! I love brussel sprouts! Do you? ;)

I know this is going to sound very cliche, but our bodies should be treated as a temple.  Your body is the house for your soul.  To evolve your soul you must evolve your body, for it is your vehicle to show others your light and their light, while your soul is the driver.  Driving to show people love and light..  How magnificent it is to show and help others see that love is their only answer.  The one truth, only truth.

How can we take care of our bodies, so our soul can evolve?

1. Eat healthy.  Personally, I believe in eating meats, veggies, and fruits sparingly.  Put the breads on the back burner. Gluten and sugars…bad bad…

2.  Engage in some sort of physical activity.  That may be exercise, yoga, playing a sport, or hiking. My preferred body moving activity is yoga and anything outside, even hiking on an icy mountain! 

3.  Sleep!  This is so underrated.  Unfortunately people do not give sleep enough credit.  We get so busy in our lives that we just keep doing, doing, doing and we don’t understand the benefits that sleep gives us.  Want a better memory?  A stronger immune system?  More patience?  So let’s remember more, get sick less, and be patient.

4.  Do Nothing.  Yup, this is my favorite.  Now when I say do nothing I mean quiet time.  Give yourself at least 30 minutes a day to shut off  your cell phone, computer, tablet, and any other technology device you use daily.  You will rejuvenate your mind and be able to focus better.  Sometimes when a problem arises we freak out because our mind goes a million miles a minute that we just need to quiet ourselves down, relax our mind, and clear our head of all the crap so we can figure out what we need to do.

 

So here it is..things to make you healthier and in turn happier.  WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE HAPPIER!?!?  I was talking to a group of people last night and they were asking how I was doing.  I couldn’t believe it but I was so happy.  I legit felt so good.  I couldn’t really think of anything that I was so upset about that I needed to let it all out.  Dude seriously, what a feeling.  So good. So good.  

 

Anyway, I hope you all have an amazing weekend.  I’m celebrating! Such a great weekend ahead of me.  Remember to love.  Remember that you have a light that can shine so bright you’ve never seen anything so bright.  Ever.  Do it up homies!  If you have something that’s been eating at you, forgive them.  Work towards forgiveness no matter how hard that seems.  

 

“If we are creating ourselves all the time, then it is never too late to begin creating the bodies we want instead of the ones we mistakenly assume we are stuck with.” 
― Deepak Chopra

Affirmation: My body is my vehicle for my soul to love.  I have a healthy body.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

 

LLxoxo,

Michelle

 

 

 

 

Like The Breakfast Club But Just Me

I just updated my About Me page. I looked at when the page was created, which was back in May, and it brought me back real quick to that time. Sort of like I had a pit in my stomach, because I had a flashback to my life at that moment.

I was afraid, felt alone, fearful of everything I thought, and sort of felt like I just wanted to jump off a bridge (not that I would but you get it). I knew I had to start doing something different in my life. I had to change. There’s no way I could have gone on living that way forever. A couple months prior is when I started reading Gabby Bernstein’s books and becoming an avid follower. Something was going to change me and it was going to be ME.

So there I was…with the need, want to change. For the better. For the best. For my daughter. I wanted to make sure that she always felt love. That anger, jealousy, and hurt may come but you can easily stop them before they become too hard to handle. Those were the very feelings that lead me to my journey of self healing.

My first step was realizing that I needed to change, me. You can’t force anyone else to have different actions or feelings, just you. I started meditating again as well. A practice in which I had stopped a long time before. Not that I wanted to stop but I didn’t feel like I had the motivation or determination. The work I put into myself almost seemed so tiring at first. It’s all I focused on. At one point, I thought, “ok I’m tired of this. Why can’t I just be normal and not have to work so hard?” I mean but really, if you never work on who you are and what you could become then you’re not growing. Grow for the sanity of yourself. I think it was a couple weeks where I did stop reading and stopped trying. Trying is “hard”.

Over the course of the next few months, I was reading and meditating more again. Then it happened. Everything, my world started to crumble down on me. Everything was going wrong. Work, my relationship, my house all going down the tubes. My response? “Seriously right now, Universe?!?!?!?!?” What the f… I moved, my boyfriend and I parted ways, and work got better, amongst other happenings going on, some to which I STILL can’t talk about :)

I kept telling myself though, every awful ending has a beautiful beginning. If you read my last blog I touched upon this. I started yoga, meditate daily, read like it’s going out of style, and love my new apartment. Now everyday isn’t Candy Land. I have my days still where I get resentful, angry, and would loooove to yell. I don’t though. When those feelings happen I ask God for the way. “God help me out man. Give me a miracle please and thank you”. Side note, a miracle is not randomly getting a trillion dollars, it’s a change in your mindset that allows you to gracefully deal with any obstacles that come in your way.

Now here I am. I’m having my holiday party tonight for a bunch of truly amazing people. People that have been there for me through thick and thin. I’m so excited to spend the holiday season with wonderful, beautiful people. I still wish people from my past the best. Only love and happiness I wish for in their future just as I do with everyone.

Affirmation: I love my past, it makes me strong.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

-Bil Keane

LLXoxo,
Michelle

What the hell!?! Oh wait…

I’m so excited to share this with you…..!!!! I feel great! Like the tingly all over body sensation when something really awesome is about to happen. Know what I mean?!

These last few weeks have been very difficult for me. I have had more emotions going through my mind than I even knew I had! I was a wreck and having anxiety attacks every couple hours. It was a scary feeling, especially when I had almost no hope left. I knew I felt different and it felt just plain wrong. Something had shifted, I wasn’t feeling positive, I was feeling down on myself. What happened in me? What occurred to make this shift happen? That’s when I realized what it was….

I let someone else control my feelings. I gave up my power to them. Not their fault. It was my own, and I say that very lovingly. All too often in my past 30 years of living have I let others have the reins on my feelings. Of course, this will drive anyone mad to just let someone has this sort of power over them.

Not anymore. I’m the only one that has control over my life. And control I have taken. I can’t truly talk very candidly about everything that has happened(ing) only because well yea…you’ll find out lovers!

Well ok here’s a couple things…I moved, I finally love my apartment! It’s 5 minutes from the Atlantic, the ocean has always been a form of healing for me. I’ve been hanging out with a couple people from a Meetup group I attend. This group has been AMAZING. They are some of the most supportive, beautiful people in the world. I thank my stars every day for them and wish that everyone had the same support from others as this group gives to me. Just these two things alone, gives me great hope for the future. Every day, every minute we should live our lives for the love of our lives, ourselves.

I’ve become very aware recently as well, to how much self nurturing I need to give to myself. Salt baths, soothing music, meditating, and I even started a yoga regimen! Starting tomorrow I will be taking actual yoga classes because I joined the YMCA and can take full advantage of their classes oh and not to mention their pools and gym! Phew….one day at a time still though. Sometimes I get caught up in everything going on and quite frankly my anxiety will start getting the best of me. That’s when I stop, breath, and read. Reading always helps.

Anyway, I’m so happy to report to you, that I am well and happy! I am human, I still have my days where I regress and go “why me?” That’s when I look at all the positive changes that have occurred and I can’t argue with that. I can’t argue with the Universe for showing me that negative energy that surrounds you will only lead to more negative. Once that bad, nastiness is gone, the light will shine and in so many ways you didn’t realize was possible.

Hope truly hope that you too can experience this. I hope that you give the Universe a chance to shine for you as well. Trust me in saying that once you allow this to happen, you’ll never want to go back. Trust in the Universe in knowing that it has your back. It supports you, in every way. When you think the world is against you, the Universe is for you every step of the way. Just ask.

I hope my blog finds you well and loving fully.

Affirmation: The Universe has my back, I’m completely supported.

20131219-155357.jpg

—-That’s from Drake up there! How awesome is he!?

Take care of yourselves and each other.

LLXoxo,

Michelle

The Power

I believe that showing a child how powerful meditation can be, can lead to less of an anxiety filled life. Truly helpful when stumbling through childhood and the teen years. At the age of 6, I have a nightly meditation ritual with Avah. She has taken to this immensely and for the first time ever she asked me to meditate with her rather than visa versa. My heart danced with joy knowing that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I plead to all parents to take the technology away and show their kids how to use their imagination and creativity to expand their mind. You don’t have to use meditation but try other means if you may. Technology allows us to have everything yesterday. Children are getting used to this so their frustration levels are growing because the patience that could be is not ever. Do your children the best thing you could. Help them grow. Help them be beautiful, intelligent, creative individuals. They too can learn to use their mind rather than an iPhone.

Cue Journey…Don’t Stop Believing.

Just keep believing.  No matter what.  Always keep that shroud of faith that something more, something better will come.  

I know I’ve been really slacking on my blog here.  I do not have any good reason unto why, other than having more going on in my life than I’d like to.  It’s as though all of a sudden everything was different.  Not what I thought would happen.  So I did what most do in this type of situation.  I felt sorry for myself and got pissed.  I think that’s ok though.  Feeling your emotions is a good thing. It’s a reminder of being human, and a reminder that you may have been in that same very spot in the past but you still woke up, you still moved on with your day, and you knew that the world doesn’t stop for anyone.  No one.

I truly place confidence in the fact that if you “believe” in whatever you want to achieve you can. Right now, this very spot in my life, I believe in true happiness.  I believe that if I stay positive and know that there is a reason why I’m here at this moment, know there is a reason I’m going through what I’m going through, I’ll be ok.  To me the only way is up.  Fresh new starts at every corner.  

Rather than being stuck in a funk and thinking “why me”, I’d rather think “ok show me what you’ve got”.  The saying “every ending brings a new beginning” is so true.  That thought process, while going through all sorts of negativity, is definitely not an easy one to grasp.  I think as humans we’re so conditioned to think “why me”, “what have I done to deserve this” that we forgot to take all the negative crap and grab it by the horns and say “lets go.  F this I’m not letting you take me down, in fact I’m going to ride this with grace and love.  I’m going to give myself the utmost compassion that I’d give to anyone else in the same situation”  We forget to love ourselves rather than beat ourselves up for what we think we did wrong.  What’s wrong is to not treat ourselves with the same love that we’d give to a child that didn’t make the team or a friend that just lost their job.

If you keep the faith and know that the Universe has something else in store for you, then you’re going to do just fine.  I absolutely love Judith Orloff.  She’s amazing.  In her book Emotional Freedom she says “just think of rejection as God’s protection”.  How true!  Ever have a situation in life where you think oh seriously?? Why?? How could I have not got the job?  Then what a couple days, weeks, or months down the road you get a way better opportunity.  Quite frankly the job that you got may be your dream job and there would have been no way that you would have even been looking if you had got the previous job.  Everything happens for a reason.  Everything.  Everyone you meet, you run into, there is a reason for it.  Honestly, you may never ever know that reason, but every situation you are in, every day you live, brings you a step closer to whom you want to be, where you want to be.  You can do it.  You have to believe.  You have to have faith.  If you fall into the victim roll, then guess what?  You’re going to stay negative and you’ll only attract more negative.  So get up.  Brush that shizz off and make the world your bitch ;)

That’s what I’m doing!

Another thing is even when you’re going through emotionally exhausting situations, like watching your team, the Red Sox in the World Series ;) just kidding well sort of, try to see the light and good in everything.  For instance, I’m going to be moving. While moving in general is very stressful, prior to moving you have to find a place.  Ugh how stress inducing!! BUT.  I cannot begin to tell you the generosity I’ve experienced in the last few weeks.  How many people are willing to go above and beyond for me.  How many people have said, “you’re more than welcome to come and stay with me”  It’s incredible!!!  I’m so grateful for all of them and so happy to have them all in my life.  When friends and family are down, we try to lift them up with love to show that we care and will help in anyway we can.  How wonderful love is!  Love can beat the crap out of negativity any day. We must be willing to see it though.  Maybe it’s just the stranger whom was extremely nice at the store or your best friend that listens to you bitch and then makes you laugh.  That’s what life is about.  Support, love, and believing.

So let’s do this. Let’s make it a point to find someone every day that needs that little extra love and give it to them.  

Let’s believe together.  Let’s know together that life will get better.  That we are in these very situations that we despise because life has a greater plan for us and we must believe it.  If you don’t believe then you’re life is going to feel like it’s in the ditch and only getting worse.  F that.  Thanks Steve Perry, I don’t think I’ll stop believing.  

Affirmation: I believe in love.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning.”  – Gandhi

Take care of yourselves and each other.

LLxoxo,

Michelle