I’m writing you today to tell you what my true feelings are about you. I think this will be good for us both.
As a child I sat on the driveway crying hoping that I would never, ever die. How scary that concept was to me. I was only in 1st grade, the same grade my daughter is in now. I would hate for her to ever have those same feelings that I did at such a young age. I couldn’t understand how this God of ours could do this to people. Aren’t these suppose to be his children? My family didn’t go to church, yet I’m sure you know that already, so I didn’t have many beliefs to really go on. Just that there was suppose to be a God, a Son, and us.
The older I got the more lonely and scared I felt. How could this God give me a life of solitude where I felt awful, and suicidal? What made me such an awful person that You would have wanted that for me? I always heard about these “sins” people did. Did I sin a lot as a kid? Was there really such a thing as past lives where people pay for sins of their old life with their new life? How is that even fair?? What actually was a sin? Accidentally breaking that bowl, was that a sin? Having angry feelings, was that a sin? Was listening to rock and roll, really a sin? What happened and why wasn’t there a way that You could tell me?
There were a couple points in my life where I thought, huh maybe You do exist…When I thought of You and what made sense to me of what God should be, it filled my heart with this weird cozy, warm feeling. I liked it. What a great feeling. These periods in my life, made me really start thinking of what God meant to me. God, to me, you have a sense of humor that would laugh with me, that would tell me that no matter what everything was going to be ok, you’d be supportive, and all loving, NEVER EVER judgmental in any way. What I don’t understand is why people think so negative of you? Why do people say things like “God will be so angry if you do that”. What would make people think You are some man in the sky that’s looking down on us trying to instill the “fear of God” in us? How is that all loving?
Well God as you know in the last few years I’ve tried come to grips more and more with you. I started reading texts that made sense to me. Texts (not on my cell phone, wait do you have a cell phone God?) that made me go “YES EXACTLY!!!!!” I was so excited that what I felt and thought was shared by more people. So now I’m on my LOVE quest. No, not a significant other love quest, because all love is…well…love. There is no difference, but You already knew that. I now know that I am right where I’m suppose to be in life. My spiritual path is to help others see their own love. The love we were meant to share with each other. Not negative, fearful thoughts, but true love. True love is not judgmental, or would NEVER put the “fear of God”, not that there is such a thing, in anyone.
God, you are true love. You are my Father and You are what gives me hope that I can keep trucking through this crazy world we call Earth. I still get fearful but you help me see love. I know that the Universe supports me in anything, and everything I do. No matter what mistakes I make, it doesn’t matter because there is always room for me to fix them and find love in any situation. Humans have created this negativity and fear that we have put on ourselves and you are here to help us see love all over again. That’s what a sin really is, just the lack of love in a situation. Not breaking that bowl, not listening to rock.
One thing I do wish is that I started this journey in my life long ago. Thank you for never giving up on me, though You give up on no one. I love that I know at any second whether I’m at work, home, at movie, wherever I am, I can call on You for a miracle. Help me get my mind back to the loving state that it should be. This world has put fear in me that I am currently working on eradicating to get back to my true, authentic self, full of love. I now know that I am already all I need to be, just all this other fear based crap has taken up too much time and space in my life.
God keep on rocking. You can be like REO Speedwagon, “I’m gonna keep on loving youuuuuuuu”. Thanks for always laughing. Thanks for always being there for me and listening to everything and anything I have to say. Thanks for answering my prayers (I guess those are like my texts to you). I will always keep spreading the love, and hope that more and more people follow at their own will, their own love path. One day when I’m back to my true state, after “death”, we can hang out and laugh about this craziness…no longer am I afraid to be in your presence.
Affirmation- Love is real, only love is real.
”I love to be loved” – Peter Gabriel
That’s me! Rocking my 31 that I turned today!
This past year has truly been incredible for me. At the beginning of last year around March, I sat on the couch hysterically crying because I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling. I felt sad, jealous, angry, and empty. Something had to change…anyway I took the first steps to heal myself and that was by reading Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie. I knew, I should say hoped I was going to stay on this journey and really feel and love for now on. No more hate no more anger no more jealousy. Wasn’t a change that happened over night for sure. It took time. Sometimes those feelings I had, came back to me like a bat out of hell. Now right now…I feel amazing. Pure love runs through my veins. Never did I ever think I could feel the way I do. I thank Marianne Williamson, Judith Orloff, and Gabby for showing me the right path of love and how fear is just something we can feel and get rid of just as quick. I might have done the real work but they have been my loving, always there for me guidance.
Here I am. January 16th. It’s now almost been 3 weeks since I restarted Gabby’s May Cause Miracles. It’s “a 40 day guidebook of subtle shifts for radical change and unlimited happiness”. Some of you may be aware that this is my second go around with this. The first time was very life changing. Sometimes in life we can do whatever we want, we just need a little nudge to make sure we’re on the right path. This is a wonderful book for that and I highly recommend it. If you do start it I also encourage you to find a group online, that’ll do the 40 days with you. Try HerFuture.com and post a blog asking to see if any one would like to join you in your’s and their life journey. This week we are focusing on body image….ugh…something that most women are all familiar with having to face daily. The “she’s so much prettier than me”, “I’ll never be that skinny”, and “ick my thighs touch” are almost minute by minute thoughts that race through our heads. Have you ever thought possible that you don’t have to think these things? You could confidently look in the mirror and think “damn I’m hot!”
I’ve never truly felt 100% comfortable with my body. Being a kid i can remember thinking I was getting fat. At the time my weight was maybe 80lbs soaking wet. Then there was 7th grade which is when I realized that everyone was surpassing me in height. Well as you know everyone only starts getting taller, taller, and some more taller. I felt ugly, short, and unlovable. What a way to spend your youth. Now most people at some point in their younger years have body issues of some sort.
You’d hope that as we got older and wiser these issues would start to dissipate. Nope, not so much. Well not for all anyway. We see magazines that have women with big boobs, waists smaller than a toothpick, and legs longer than the Empire State Building. Of course, most people know that these images are Photoshopped to the max but still silently argue with ourselves that we need to be sexier and more beautiful.
Here’s the real deal. Who I think is attractive is not what someone else think is good looking. For example, I have a friend that has been close as blood with me for over 5 years and I can count on one hand the amount of guys we find similarly attractive and that’s ok! We all have difference of opinion in life for everything! I love brussel sprouts! Do you?
I know this is going to sound very cliche, but our bodies should be treated as a temple. Your body is the house for your soul. To evolve your soul you must evolve your body, for it is your vehicle to show others your light and their light, while your soul is the driver. Driving to show people love and light.. How magnificent it is to show and help others see that love is their only answer. The one truth, only truth.
How can we take care of our bodies, so our soul can evolve?
1. Eat healthy. Personally, I believe in eating meats, veggies, and fruits sparingly. Put the breads on the back burner. Gluten and sugars…bad bad…
2. Engage in some sort of physical activity. That may be exercise, yoga, playing a sport, or hiking. My preferred body moving activity is yoga and anything outside, even hiking on an icy mountain!
3. Sleep! This is so underrated. Unfortunately people do not give sleep enough credit. We get so busy in our lives that we just keep doing, doing, doing and we don’t understand the benefits that sleep gives us. Want a better memory? A stronger immune system? More patience? So let’s remember more, get sick less, and be patient.
4. Do Nothing. Yup, this is my favorite. Now when I say do nothing I mean quiet time. Give yourself at least 30 minutes a day to shut off your cell phone, computer, tablet, and any other technology device you use daily. You will rejuvenate your mind and be able to focus better. Sometimes when a problem arises we freak out because our mind goes a million miles a minute that we just need to quiet ourselves down, relax our mind, and clear our head of all the crap so we can figure out what we need to do.
So here it is..things to make you healthier and in turn happier. WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE HAPPIER!?!? I was talking to a group of people last night and they were asking how I was doing. I couldn’t believe it but I was so happy. I legit felt so good. I couldn’t really think of anything that I was so upset about that I needed to let it all out. Dude seriously, what a feeling. So good. So good.
Anyway, I hope you all have an amazing weekend. I’m celebrating! Such a great weekend ahead of me. Remember to love. Remember that you have a light that can shine so bright you’ve never seen anything so bright. Ever. Do it up homies! If you have something that’s been eating at you, forgive them. Work towards forgiveness no matter how hard that seems.
Affirmation: My body is my vehicle for my soul to love. I have a healthy body.
Take care of yourselves and each other.
I just updated my About Me page. I looked at when the page was created, which was back in May, and it brought me back real quick to that time. Sort of like I had a pit in my stomach, because I had a flashback to my life at that moment.
I was afraid, felt alone, fearful of everything I thought, and sort of felt like I just wanted to jump off a bridge (not that I would but you get it). I knew I had to start doing something different in my life. I had to change. There’s no way I could have gone on living that way forever. A couple months prior is when I started reading Gabby Bernstein’s books and becoming an avid follower. Something was going to change me and it was going to be ME.
So there I was…with the need, want to change. For the better. For the best. For my daughter. I wanted to make sure that she always felt love. That anger, jealousy, and hurt may come but you can easily stop them before they become too hard to handle. Those were the very feelings that lead me to my journey of self healing.
My first step was realizing that I needed to change, me. You can’t force anyone else to have different actions or feelings, just you. I started meditating again as well. A practice in which I had stopped a long time before. Not that I wanted to stop but I didn’t feel like I had the motivation or determination. The work I put into myself almost seemed so tiring at first. It’s all I focused on. At one point, I thought, “ok I’m tired of this. Why can’t I just be normal and not have to work so hard?” I mean but really, if you never work on who you are and what you could become then you’re not growing. Grow for the sanity of yourself. I think it was a couple weeks where I did stop reading and stopped trying. Trying is “hard”.
Over the course of the next few months, I was reading and meditating more again. Then it happened. Everything, my world started to crumble down on me. Everything was going wrong. Work, my relationship, my house all going down the tubes. My response? “Seriously right now, Universe?!?!?!?!?” What the f… I moved, my boyfriend and I parted ways, and work got better, amongst other happenings going on, some to which I STILL can’t talk about
I kept telling myself though, every awful ending has a beautiful beginning. If you read my last blog I touched upon this. I started yoga, meditate daily, read like it’s going out of style, and love my new apartment. Now everyday isn’t Candy Land. I have my days still where I get resentful, angry, and would loooove to yell. I don’t though. When those feelings happen I ask God for the way. “God help me out man. Give me a miracle please and thank you”. Side note, a miracle is not randomly getting a trillion dollars, it’s a change in your mindset that allows you to gracefully deal with any obstacles that come in your way.
Now here I am. I’m having my holiday party tonight for a bunch of truly amazing people. People that have been there for me through thick and thin. I’m so excited to spend the holiday season with wonderful, beautiful people. I still wish people from my past the best. Only love and happiness I wish for in their future just as I do with everyone.
Affirmation: I love my past, it makes me strong.
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
I’m so excited to share this with you…..!!!! I feel great! Like the tingly all over body sensation when something really awesome is about to happen. Know what I mean?!
These last few weeks have been very difficult for me. I have had more emotions going through my mind than I even knew I had! I was a wreck and having anxiety attacks every couple hours. It was a scary feeling, especially when I had almost no hope left. I knew I felt different and it felt just plain wrong. Something had shifted, I wasn’t feeling positive, I was feeling down on myself. What happened in me? What occurred to make this shift happen? That’s when I realized what it was….
I let someone else control my feelings. I gave up my power to them. Not their fault. It was my own, and I say that very lovingly. All too often in my past 30 years of living have I let others have the reins on my feelings. Of course, this will drive anyone mad to just let someone has this sort of power over them.
Not anymore. I’m the only one that has control over my life. And control I have taken. I can’t truly talk very candidly about everything that has happened(ing) only because well yea…you’ll find out lovers!
Well ok here’s a couple things…I moved, I finally love my apartment! It’s 5 minutes from the Atlantic, the ocean has always been a form of healing for me. I’ve been hanging out with a couple people from a Meetup group I attend. This group has been AMAZING. They are some of the most supportive, beautiful people in the world. I thank my stars every day for them and wish that everyone had the same support from others as this group gives to me. Just these two things alone, gives me great hope for the future. Every day, every minute we should live our lives for the love of our lives, ourselves.
I’ve become very aware recently as well, to how much self nurturing I need to give to myself. Salt baths, soothing music, meditating, and I even started a yoga regimen! Starting tomorrow I will be taking actual yoga classes because I joined the YMCA and can take full advantage of their classes oh and not to mention their pools and gym! Phew….one day at a time still though. Sometimes I get caught up in everything going on and quite frankly my anxiety will start getting the best of me. That’s when I stop, breath, and read. Reading always helps.
Anyway, I’m so happy to report to you, that I am well and happy! I am human, I still have my days where I regress and go “why me?” That’s when I look at all the positive changes that have occurred and I can’t argue with that. I can’t argue with the Universe for showing me that negative energy that surrounds you will only lead to more negative. Once that bad, nastiness is gone, the light will shine and in so many ways you didn’t realize was possible.
Hope truly hope that you too can experience this. I hope that you give the Universe a chance to shine for you as well. Trust me in saying that once you allow this to happen, you’ll never want to go back. Trust in the Universe in knowing that it has your back. It supports you, in every way. When you think the world is against you, the Universe is for you every step of the way. Just ask.
I hope my blog finds you well and loving fully.
Affirmation: The Universe has my back, I’m completely supported.
—-That’s from Drake up there! How awesome is he!?
Take care of yourselves and each other.
I believe that showing a child how powerful meditation can be, can lead to less of an anxiety filled life. Truly helpful when stumbling through childhood and the teen years. At the age of 6, I have a nightly meditation ritual with Avah. She has taken to this immensely and for the first time ever she asked me to meditate with her rather than visa versa. My heart danced with joy knowing that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I plead to all parents to take the technology away and show their kids how to use their imagination and creativity to expand their mind. You don’t have to use meditation but try other means if you may. Technology allows us to have everything yesterday. Children are getting used to this so their frustration levels are growing because the patience that could be is not ever. Do your children the best thing you could. Help them grow. Help them be beautiful, intelligent, creative individuals. They too can learn to use their mind rather than an iPhone.
Just keep believing. No matter what. Always keep that shroud of faith that something more, something better will come.
I know I’ve been really slacking on my blog here. I do not have any good reason unto why, other than having more going on in my life than I’d like to. It’s as though all of a sudden everything was different. Not what I thought would happen. So I did what most do in this type of situation. I felt sorry for myself and got pissed. I think that’s ok though. Feeling your emotions is a good thing. It’s a reminder of being human, and a reminder that you may have been in that same very spot in the past but you still woke up, you still moved on with your day, and you knew that the world doesn’t stop for anyone. No one.
I truly place confidence in the fact that if you “believe” in whatever you want to achieve you can. Right now, this very spot in my life, I believe in true happiness. I believe that if I stay positive and know that there is a reason why I’m here at this moment, know there is a reason I’m going through what I’m going through, I’ll be ok. To me the only way is up. Fresh new starts at every corner.
Rather than being stuck in a funk and thinking “why me”, I’d rather think “ok show me what you’ve got”. The saying “every ending brings a new beginning” is so true. That thought process, while going through all sorts of negativity, is definitely not an easy one to grasp. I think as humans we’re so conditioned to think “why me”, “what have I done to deserve this” that we forgot to take all the negative crap and grab it by the horns and say “lets go. F this I’m not letting you take me down, in fact I’m going to ride this with grace and love. I’m going to give myself the utmost compassion that I’d give to anyone else in the same situation” We forget to love ourselves rather than beat ourselves up for what we think we did wrong. What’s wrong is to not treat ourselves with the same love that we’d give to a child that didn’t make the team or a friend that just lost their job.
If you keep the faith and know that the Universe has something else in store for you, then you’re going to do just fine. I absolutely love Judith Orloff. She’s amazing. In her book Emotional Freedom she says “just think of rejection as God’s protection”. How true! Ever have a situation in life where you think oh seriously?? Why?? How could I have not got the job? Then what a couple days, weeks, or months down the road you get a way better opportunity. Quite frankly the job that you got may be your dream job and there would have been no way that you would have even been looking if you had got the previous job. Everything happens for a reason. Everything. Everyone you meet, you run into, there is a reason for it. Honestly, you may never ever know that reason, but every situation you are in, every day you live, brings you a step closer to whom you want to be, where you want to be. You can do it. You have to believe. You have to have faith. If you fall into the victim roll, then guess what? You’re going to stay negative and you’ll only attract more negative. So get up. Brush that shizz off and make the world your bitch
That’s what I’m doing!
Another thing is even when you’re going through emotionally exhausting situations, like watching your team, the Red Sox in the World Series just kidding well sort of, try to see the light and good in everything. For instance, I’m going to be moving. While moving in general is very stressful, prior to moving you have to find a place. Ugh how stress inducing!! BUT. I cannot begin to tell you the generosity I’ve experienced in the last few weeks. How many people are willing to go above and beyond for me. How many people have said, “you’re more than welcome to come and stay with me” It’s incredible!!! I’m so grateful for all of them and so happy to have them all in my life. When friends and family are down, we try to lift them up with love to show that we care and will help in anyway we can. How wonderful love is! Love can beat the crap out of negativity any day. We must be willing to see it though. Maybe it’s just the stranger whom was extremely nice at the store or your best friend that listens to you bitch and then makes you laugh. That’s what life is about. Support, love, and believing.
So let’s do this. Let’s make it a point to find someone every day that needs that little extra love and give it to them.
Let’s believe together. Let’s know together that life will get better. That we are in these very situations that we despise because life has a greater plan for us and we must believe it. If you don’t believe then you’re life is going to feel like it’s in the ditch and only getting worse. F that. Thanks Steve Perry, I don’t think I’ll stop believing.
Affirmation: I believe in love.
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning.” - Gandhi
Take care of yourselves and each other.
Connections are everywhere. More than you may even think about.
The concept of everything and everyone being connected is a little wonky you may think. This thought makes so much sense to me. I feel like I’ve been thinking more and more about this lately though.
I went to P3 conference in Staunton,VA this weekend. It was great. I truly appreciate people whom are trying to make this world a better place. Robb Wolfe speaks of healthier nutrition and Joel Salatin of sustainable agriculture and being environmentally responsible. The conference reinforced my views on everything being connected. Even while I’m writing this my brain is on overload thinking about what examples I want to use.
I truly believe what foods you eat not only determine how you feel and look physically but also determines mood and can mess with you mentally. For example, when I eat carbs, gluten, and sugar I feel fine for say 10 seconds. Then my body gets lethargic and cranky. Yes my body gets cranky because it’s pissed I just put a bunch of crap into it. When my body feels lethargic my brain gets tired as well. I am not longer being stimulated. These are the times when I go on social media more, read gossip more, and do less productive meaningful things.
Now here’s the thing, I’m not a perfect eater, that’s why I know these things. In our house we have no gluten, very limited sugar, and not many carbs other than sweet potatoes. That doesn’t mean I never eat out for lunch….that’s my biggest downfall. It’s also probably the worst time for me to eat like complete hell seeing as at I work I stare at a computer all day. Ok when eating like crap at work I then drink coffee like 3 cups of it. BAD. But my brain has been so depleted of goodness, that it’s tired from food I just ate.
Do I totally know the science behind this? Nope. I’ll find out though. I know there is a connection.
I’m going to post this for now but there is so much more I want to post about where I talk about being connected. Meaning with each other. Everything we do, say, the people we meet whether that be Starbucks or a new beau. Everything we know and do has some sort of link. I’ll be honest I wanted to post it all together but my brain is mush and foggy from the drive back from VA.
Affirmation:What I eat is how I feel.
“The belly rules the mind.” ~Spanish Proverb
Take care of yourselves and each other.
My VA best friends